I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
