My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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