Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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