he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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