David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
