NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
