I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
