My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
