Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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