she looked like the before picture.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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