I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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