I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
