How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
