If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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