In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
