So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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