There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
