i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
