so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
