I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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