y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
