He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
