the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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