Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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