I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
