I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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