i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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