I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
