Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
