Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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