it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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