last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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