hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Found the puke drawer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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