I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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