Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
