just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
