"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Holy sore nipples Batman
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
