well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
