saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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