opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
