I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
