laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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