So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
