My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
