It's Friday. Sex?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
