Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
