dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
