Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
