She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
