I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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