So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
