yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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