At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
